Happy Birthday To Me. I’m Sweet 23 Year Old.

I can’t believe it myself that I’m 23 years old. I also can’t believe that I’m still living in this world. Merely surviving, simply put. After years of beating up myself up:mentally, physically, emotionally, i have decided to accept the responsibility of changing the fate of my own life.

I have learned that life can be cruel and unfair. Sometimes, life throws many challenges in multiple direction without any warning or sign. Yet, life can be so meaningful and wonderful.

I accepted full responsibility of what had happened in my life. I always thought that I was born in a wrong planet and my existence has no meaning whatsoever. I thought i have no control of what is happening and always having difficulty in finding out what’s life is really about. I tried to end my life on several occasions, but somehow i knew that I’m here to finish a task which i myself don’t really know.  What exactly is this task? Will this task require me to become another person which I’m feared of becoming or is it discovering the meaning of life? Sometime i wondered why my colleague passed on, if only i could trade my life for him since he have a loving wife and kids that are still dependent on him.

I try to be grateful with what i have now even though all seem too bleak at the moment.

I’m 23 this year and i admit that i have grown up a bit. I realized that nothing in this world comes free, i have to work hard to attain it. Be it relationship or money.

I’m kinda sad and at the same time appreciate the feeling of it. I begin to understand myself a lot better and i had a major breakthrough few weeks ago. I always been asking myself what’s the meaning of life. No matter how many times i asked myself, i can’t seem to find the right answer which can fit in a single sentence.

All i have now is myself and i know that only I alone can change the circumstances of my own life. There’s only two choices in life: To accept the condition as it is or take the responsibility to change them.

The only thing that motivates me right now is my goals and aspirations. Life is a journey and as long my mind still working, i still have the choice and the freedom to change the circumstance of my own life. No one can ever take that from me and the only person i need to fear is myself.

Celebrating my dinner with my sis and mom really makes me feel alive again. No matter how bad life taking a toll on me, they are still there to give me a helping hand without any hidden agenda.

Happy with what i experienced for today and i’m off to bed now 🙂

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