Confession of depressive mind: Part 2

It’s been almost a year since “that” incident took place in the cubicle of my former home.

It’s been 18 months since i was thrown out of the house: being homeless, broke and humiliated in front of my two former best pals.

It’s been almost a year since i had a “close’ connection with someone.

It’s been almost a year since I completed my national service

It’s been almost 3 months since the separation of my two wonderful sisters.

It’s been 2 months when i had my last anxiety attack.

It’s been 1 month plus i started to jog/run more than 3km per day from Monday To Saturday

and the list continues on…

But the thing is, I am happier now. It’s not the medication or the external circumstance that makes me feel this way. Although i agree to some extent, the pills help me a bit.

I have learned to control my own thoughts to some extent. I no longer need tranquilizer to make me sleep at night nor take high dosage of psychotic medication to make me feel stable although I’m still taking some daily at the present moment. I beginning to see a “new” light despite the chaotic block of mishaps falling onto one another.

I must say that NO ONE CAN CURE/FIX YOU unless you are determined to walk through the path of doubts and uncertainties by yourself. Just decide what you’re willing to do to change a situation into a much desired outcome that you want, have faith and persistence to follow through your decision until the very end. If things still aren’t going the way you want it to be then change your approach to the whole matter and have better planning onwards.

Doctor may prescribe a mountain of medications to treat the symptoms and the psychologist may say all things she needs to say about what you should do, the thing is nothing can really make you satisfied or happy about how things are in your life right now.

People may give you some sympathy and some advice but at the end of the day YOUR FEELINGS is something that only you can control.

Our mind is a very intricate and complex network of brain cells. Putting lots of garbage into it, your mind gets clogged and not able to run as efficiently as it should be.

What I’m trying to say is that, people always have the choice to decide what’s best for them. People can do hurtful things to do but you have the ability to choose the response to the external circumstances. I have been hearing this a lot of times but simple yet bitter advice are hard to accept and internalized.

I have stopped most of my compulsive behavior and adopt new healthy lifestyle like running more than 3km every morning. At the same time, working towards my goals consistently.

Things have certainly turned out to be better and I believe that things will certainly become even better from now on.